The Umpires' Guide to Umpires
(Who do you recognise?)
let-the-game-flow-at-all-costs
The let-the-game-flow-at-all-costs
type of umpire will let anything go to ensure the games
swings from end to end. He does this for several reasons:
He believes hockey should be a swift moving contest.
He thinks it will entertain the spectators
He wants to show off how fit he is by keeping up with the play.
got-a-new-whistle-for-Christmas
The
got-a-new-whistle-for-Christmas type
of umpire blows at every opportunity, even half way through half-time (to sure
the whistle hasn't seized up). He blows to indicate infringements,
offences, to call substitutes on and to admonish supporters. One thing in
favour of this kind of umpire, he's never far away the play. He never lets
it get more than ten yards from his last blow-up position.
over-intelligent
The
over-intelligent type
is the most irritating type of umpire. The game grinds to a halt while he
discusses the implications of the laws with a transgressor and the ensuing
debate becomes involved around interpretations.
He's also the only one on the field to have understood the latest amendment to some long-lost law and will not be hurried into sending off trainers who spend ten minutes on the field tending to a malingering winger
ex-military or schoolteacher
The
ex-military or schoolteacher
type of umpire tries to run the game by sheer dominance of personality. He
will shout at everyone, wag his finger; attempt to intimidate even the team
psychopath. He gives the impression of being in complete control.
This type of umpire has only one failing; he hardly ever knows the rules